A struggle

I never know how I will be and what kind of mother I will be with each new child. It seems like I bond with my boys easily but with my girls it takes longer. With that being said I don't really feel compelled to breastfeed Elaina. Of course I am pumping and she has only had breastmilk but I rarely put her to the breast. Maybe I will wait till she is older like 3 months to try more to latch her on. I don't know. It looks like our finances won't allow me to stay at home much longer so maybe this is all fate. I feel like I am on such a roller coaster.....