Saturday, February 20, 2010

That's not we planned....

I am blaming the fact that I missed spending this wonderful sunny day with my best friend (my husband) on milk production. I can't even bring myself to say because of breast feeding since I am not actually nursing Ben. We had planned on doing some shopping and just getting out of the house. I chickened out and just stayed at home with Ben and Lyn. Everyone else found something else to do today away from home. I am just uncomfortable. I am not engorged or anything but I just feel like a cow all of the time. I knew if I would have gone out I would be a pill to all of those around me and probably say something I don't really mean to people that matter. I am not resenting Ben but I want my body back. We would have had to cut the day short anyway so I could go pump. I know others who exclusively pump and have to pump every 3 hours. At least I can go for 6 hours so I can get away from home more. I also have to remind myself that a lot of new moms aren't even trying to do much before 6 weeks post partum. I was back at work after 2 weeks. I think my expectations are a bit high. I am still getting my body into this new post pregnancy swing. I am going back and forth whether I should just call it quits with the whole breastfeeding thing. Then I feel so guilty. What right do I have to take Ben's milk away from him. I am the only one who can give it to him. That would be so selfish. This just doesn't make sense. I know how to nurse a baby. One day at a time is getting so old.

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